


Don't Kidnap Tony Stark

by TheMistyCatMaster (TheMistyDarkPrincess)



Series: Avengers One-Shots [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Civil War (Marvel), Thank you for over 1000 hits!, no seriously, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 06:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMistyDarkPrincess/pseuds/TheMistyCatMaster
Summary: Seriously...  How did the morons in front of him kidnap him?  Oh well, they'll learn soon enough that Hulk and Bruce don't take kindly to that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This may not be good. But it was just kinda bothering me as a plot bunny for a while.

Tony Stark was the son of Howard-Fucking-Stark and Maria-Bless the woman for putting up with Howard-Fucking-Stark for so long-Stark. He was a scientist, a playboy, a billionaire, a philanthropist. He was annoyed as fuck and staring at the back of generic bad guy of the week asshole #1’s head. Why was it that he seemed to be the favorite to take hostage in these situations? Did he have a sign on him that says: “Easy fucking target, grab at will”?  Jesus….

“And that's why-….”

Generic bad guy asshole #1 turns to face Tony, and glared.

“Are you even listening to me Stark?”

Tony raises an eyebrow and gives him a “huh” look.

“You were talking?”

He asked, a smug look crossing his face at the look of sheer anger that crosses the man’s face. Guy obviously didn't realize that Tony was not one of these people that listened to their captor ramble on about their evil plan. Did these morons even realize they monologued their plans?

Loki had blabbed his from the moment he came through the Tesseract portal. The Mandarin, well he took Pepper and blabbed his plan while battling him, some of it was before then too. Obie… The bastard had told him while trying to _kill_ him. And what's-his-face…? The one who worked with Hammer (who is an idiot, no need to elaborate on him)? He told him his plan on and off as well. Huh, he thought about all those people out of order. Maybe it was because he just decided to think of something, anything, other than the man rage shouting at him.

“I'm sorry, were you still talking?”

Tony watched as his question made the man even angrier. Ah, his effect was still extremely effective.

“You are pushing your luck Stark.”

Generic bad guy asshole #1 growled. Tony rolled his eyes and stared at said man with as much boredom as his face could show. GBGA#1 looked about ready to start yelling again when a door opened and, ah there was GBGA#2.

“Johnson, what are you doing?”

The second man asked, and Tony wondered how dumb the man was by saying the name of the first guy in front of him. The first guy gave another growl and pointed his finger like a child at Tony.

“Stark is being uncooperative.”

He said in… Was that a whine? Tony bit back the snicker that wanted to escape. GBGA#2 looked like he was ready to slap his hand over his face and drag it downwards. Tony actually felt bad for him.

“Johnson, you are not fucking serious. It's Stark, you don't get him to cooperate with words. You do so with actions.”

Now that had Tony’s attention peaked.

“And what actions are we talking here? I can tell you now, whatever you're planning has probably done.”

He casually remarked, mind trying to dance around the memories. The men turned their attention to him. This had Tony wanting so hard to snicker, because seriously, the two were in sync.

“And I wouldn't try to damage me all that much. I have a protective boyfriend who would probably be super pissed.”

The two men's faces turned confused. Tony raised an eyebrow.

“What? I'm a playboy with a lot of me to go around. Just because I tend to swing towards women more times than not, doesn't mean that I don't show some sexy men love too.”

GBGA#1 looked like he was going to start questioning him, while #2 looked like he was going to have a headache.

“I wasn't kidding though. I have a super protective, somewhat possessive, totally amazing boyfriend who is going to be here any second to kick your ass. Your stupid little attempts to hide this place from the Avengers is almost comical.”

Tony let a little hum after he finished saying the last bit, watching as the two men looked at each other as they tried to figure out whether or not he was telling the truth. As the two seemed to come to a conclusion of some sort, there was a loud, booming crash and then…

“Hulk, man you are late.”

Tony’s face twisted into a pearly white Cheshire Cat grin. The Hulk stared at him for a moment, then turned to the men standing in still shock. A growl rumbled from him.

“See, protective and possessive.”

Tony said, though he left the last part he had said before off because that part was for Bruce (though Bruce could be just as protective).

The rest of the Avengers (minus Thor who was in Asgard) filed in, but they were a little late to the party. While Tony had been telling GBGA#1&2 his words once more, and then having a good thought about Bruce, the Hulk had smashed. The two men were in a nice crater created by the lovely green giant. The Hulk gave the two a growl as they whimpered and groaned from their doom hole.

“Hulk, Jolly Green, I think they got it.”

Tony called to the other, the other Avengers decided to wait until the Hulk was gone to go over to the hole. Hulk turns to Tony and wanders over to him. The man gave the giant a large smile, and Hulk lifts him into his hold, nose going close to him to take a large whiff.

“I'm not hurt. The guys were incompetent. I'm actually embarrassed that I got caught by these grade A dumbasses.”

Tony patted Hulk’s hand, and the giant put him down with a huff.

“I let little Bruce out. He check.”

Hulk growled out, then his form began to collapse down to that of his host. The other Avengers made their way over to the crater quietly.

“Tony Stark, you better tell me the truth. Did they hurt you?”

Bruce asked after he had finished shaking off the effects of being the other, his hands flying subconsciously to check and see if the pants Tony had made for him had actually stayed on his person.

“Totally fine Bruce. The guys were easy to distract. I have no idea how I got caught by those morons. Seriously, all I did was talk and they got distracted. Smart bad guys are so hard to come by. It's like the good ones are taking a break for rookie month.”

Tony sent a scowl towards the hole in the ground. Bruce looked like he wanted to say something, but he decides to keep quiet. It was Steve who decided to speak up.

“They were fall men, Tony. The real person behind this is currently in S.H.I.E.L.D custody.”

Tony gave a frown then.

“So the big man couldn't even be bothered to deal with me himself?”

“Herself.”

Natasha cut in, with Clint following after her with a grin on his face.

“Sad truth Tony, you got the downgraded help. Turns out the woman in charge is the wife of the man we caught two weeks ago. It also seems that she didn't want to deal with, to quote her, “his obnoxious playboy habits”. She also said “He's a hostage, but I would glad put a bullet in between his eyes before I hear a single “hey beautiful” from his lips”.  Isn't it harsh the reality of it all?”

Natasha elbowed him hard in the side and gave a look at Bruce. Said man was looking a little green again.

“But I have my Bruce-Bae.”

Tony said in an aghast voice, his hand going up to his arc reactor. Bruce gave him a quick fond but exasperated look, green fading. The rest of the team just gave him exasperated looks.

“We done here? I'm ready to go home. Hey, Bruce, Sweetie, Science Bae let’s science when we get home?”

“After I look you over again when we get back.”

Bruce replied, ignoring the pout his boyfriend decided to give him. He then reached out and placed a hand on the small of Tony’s back, moving to guide him out of the room. The rest of the team decided to follow closely behind.

* * *

When the team was back at the tower, Bruce looked Tony over in med bay. Upon figuring that Tony was okay, the man let his sulking boyfriend retreat to his workshop.

“If he didn't keep things to himself, you wouldn't have to pester him.”

Clint watched the retreating scientist. The man had decided that he wanted to poke fun at said man while Bruce worked. Natasha was there too, but it was to rein Clint in. Steve was in the living room most likely.

“He wouldn't be Tony otherwise.”

Bruce said with a fond voice, finishing up with his cleaning of the med bay equipment he had used.

“And now, I'm going to go and make sure he doesn't hurt himself in his workshop. While sciencing with him.”

Clint watched as the man moved to follow after Tony. He opened his mouth, probably to make a comment that would get him in trouble, and Natasha gave him a sharp look that made him close it.

* * *

When Bruce entered into the workshop, he saw Tony looking at the file of the woman they had caught, frowning.

“Totally not my type.”

Tony said not looking at the other, and Bruce gave a chuckle.

“No seriously. Not my type. Pep was as close to my type of woman as the universe would allow. You are my Bruce-Bae, and my Jolly Green, and thus twenty times my type of guy compared to every other guy.”

Tony turned and looked at Bruce now, who was giving him a stunned, but happy look. Tony rolled his eyes at the look.

“Bruce, stop down playing yourself.”

He said and he moved over to the man, pulling the other down to where their lips were barely touching.

“Now let's science.”

Bruce was about to question why Tony was as close as he was, if they were really going to… Oh. That type of Science. Bruce turned a bright red, and leaned in to close the gap. Tony turned the kiss filthy within seconds.

* * *

“Hey, Tony, I was… Oh jeez! Sorry, I'll come back later!”

Steve’s voice started, and then finished in a yelp. The sound of footsteps retreating could be heard after. Tony and Bruce opened their eyes, and shifted to look at the door from their place on the couch. The two looked at each other, Tony smug, Bruce embarrassed.

“Maybe we should have grabbed the blanket after all.”

Bruce muttered, and Tony laughed.

“And miss that little moment? That'll teach him to check with Jarvis first from now on. Victory in more than one way.”

Tony gave Bruce a bright smile and the other gave him an exasperated look, that turned to resignation, and then flopped back down.

“Whatever. I'm actually to tired to chastise you properly. Lay back down fully, it's cold.”

Tony laughed and did as told.


End file.
